Ever come back to something so old, you could barely recognize yourself? Read old essays, pull up your memory box, and come face to face with a version of you that rings of a stranger? Yeah, that just happened to me – reading this blog again for a while. I was actually reminded of it by a friend’s personal blog.
Well, sorry for it being so long since my last post. Though, also: life can be the greatest muse. I entered a relationship, enjoyed it for a bit, then watched it end. Candle burning brightly, melting wax, dripping on my fingers, but I was too enraptured by the light. Eventually, though, leaving only a smoldering wick and the strange coldness that is disappointment.
Yet, I learned so much. I grew so much. I changed…So much! So much so that I can barely recognize myself. I mentioned earlier about being an INFP (Fi – Ne – Si – Te). These are cognitive functions I talk about in my Myers-Briggs post. Well, anyway, I’ve always been very low on Ne. (Seeing perspectives and possibilities) In fact, I was so focused on both Fi (Morals) and Te (Effectiveness) that I was overly perfectionistic in my own life – and overly judgmental of others. When I was more immature, I believed that the morals I held dear and the deep revulsion I had for injustice were things that others were bad people for not upholding.
However, being exposed to new information and points of view and consequently able to see others’ perspectives helped me become nonjudgmental of others. During my new relationship, I was opened up to the entirely new culture of my ex – the culture of China. Being biracial and half-Korean myself, you’d think I’d already be fairly open-minded and cultured.
Not so, apparently! Chinese culture opened me up to a whole new way of thinking, and a whole new way of understanding the gospel and thinking about God! Also, interacting with it changed me as a person. I’ll be writing more about all these things soon.
And yet, there’s something raw, something wonderful about my initial posts about God. Something powerful about a version of me who’s not scared of what others think. Someone resolute about his convictions. Someone passionate – with a raw, flowing passion. I was actually rather encouraged by myself, haha. I could stand to learn some from my past self too.
Well, that’s enough for one post. Thanks for reading. 🙂